One day a florist goes in for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies "i'm sorry. I can't accept money from you. I am doing community service." The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop there is a card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A butcher goes in for a haircut and he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies "I'm sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service. The butcher is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a package of steaks waiting at his door. A cop goes in for a hair cut and goes to pay the barber and the barber replies "I'm sorry. I can't accept money from you. I am doing community service" The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop guess what he finds at the door? Can you guess? Come on, think like a cop! Two dozen other cops waiting for free hair cuts!
From the state where drinking and driving is considered a sport-Houston, Texas, comes a true story. Recently, a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood bar late one evening. The officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed like an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he then fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn, then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started slowly down the street. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalizer test. To his amazement, the breathalizer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police Station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken" "I doubt it" said the man- "tonight I'm the designated decoy" OUCH!
Post by hoosiercop on Feb 24, 2007 21:17:25 GMT -5
THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY...
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial--it went like this:
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.
Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer--do you have a locker room in the police station--a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties? A: Yes sir, we do.
Q: And do you have a locker in that room? A: Yes sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker? A: Yes sir.
Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers? A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room.
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching YOU."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell, he heard "Jesus is watching You."
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who are you?"
"Moses," replied the parrot. "Moses?" the burglar laughed, "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?"
"Probably the same kind of people that would name a Rotweiller Jesus,"
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner."
No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this is a bus stop."
A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.
But it also lit up her arm, too!
Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.
A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance. When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm." (INSERT RIM SHOT)